I started writing this originally in third person close.
Even though I’d seen it as a young adult novel and first person is often used
successfully for these, I’d opted for the close third person so that the reader
may more enjoy the growth with the main character. The story takes place over
three decades. And that is where it
became a little problematic.
I feel the reader does need the explanation as to why
protagonist Gisela Schmidt becomes so enamoured of the Nazi doctrines. Some of
it lies in the poverty and anxiety caused by what happened in the 1920s and
1030s. So, originally I started the story when she was a very little girl in
the 1920s. The problem then is that the voice is too young for the perceived
reader. So, I switched to first person, with the older brother Eberhard,
nicknamed Bear by Gisela, telling this story.
After a chat with an agent, I knew I had to start the story
when Gisela is about to join the BDM, the Bund Deutscher Mädel, the girls’
version of the Hitler Youth. Bear fills in some back story later as he waits to
take part in raid on a Russian village.
Initially I chose for both of them what I call the immediate
first person. This has only just happened and one young person is relating the
events to another, partly in an attempt to understand them better. This wasn’t
working as the story covers 22 years, even though Gisela only tells us about 15 of them.
Because I’ve now abandoned the “First person immediate” I’m
asking myself whether this is in fact young adult novel at all. Even if it is
read by young adults it may be equally palatable to older readers.
I do believe, however, that when the novel ends, Gisela does
not know what is going to happen next. She has told us how she has got to that
point. Right at the very end, then, I revert to first person immediate. I won’t
quote the words here as that will create a spoiler. However, there are some
examples below that don’t cause spoilers.
23 March 1932
. Herr Silber kept saying he would buy me the uniform
and Kurt thought it would be a good idea. Bear, though, said I would have
plenty of time for those sorts of things later. Mutti just smiled and shrugged
her shoulders every time the subject came up. Anyway, back then, I wasn’t sure
I was than keen on creepy crawlies and sleeping outside. I wished, though, that
I could enjoy things like Thomas did.
(Note the addition of “back then”.)
7 September 1932: girls in smart uniforms
I hated school that year. I’d really liked it up until then. I liked
learning new things and I’d even liked everything Herr Lindemann had told us
about how Germany would be glorious again one day. School had been so cosy and
nice before. I always did well in class.
(“That year” takes us further back and implies that Gisela is now over
these things)
23 March 1933
The crisp white shirt felt smart and very grown-up.
The skirt fitted perfectly. Even the shoes were exactly right and they smelt of
new leather. I pulled the little jacket on and then looked in the mirror again.
Goodness, I looked so much older. The skirt came half way down my calves. How
elegant! I didn’t know how to do up the neckerchief, though. I fiddled with it
for a few moments but couldn’t make it look right.
(She is looking back in this scene – we don’t see her
put the uniform on. There is a hint of reflection)
This was all lovely. It was so good to be praised for
looking smart. The other girls did seem nice, even if Tabitha was a little
strange. It all sounded quite good. I found myself looking forward to meeting
the rest of the pack. Reluctantly I had to admit I must thank Herr Silber for
that.
(Very firmly in a distant past)
20 April 1933: great expectations
It really made me squirm sometimes. In the early days when Herr Silber
used to stay over I didn’t understand what was happening. Strange noises would
come from Mutti’s room. Groans and screams and the bed sounded as if someone
was using it as a trampoline. It used to scare me and I thought he was
murdering Mutti. I used to hold my breath and hope it would end soon. I
sometimes wondered whether I should go in there and try and stop them but I was
worried that Herr Silber might try and hurt me as well. Besides I didn’t like
the way he looked at me sometimes or the way he touched me.
(“It used to”. “would” “in the early days” all imply distant past.)
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